i spoke with amy today (our new play couples female half) and asked her if she did her homework. she's also been asked to write a journal and as from my last post we all know how much fun i'm having with that one! Good thing is she has as i know how much it's needed for this way of life. i just wish i could do it!!!
amy also mentioned she is practising her poses. i nearly fell off my seat. i know my poses and i still get them wrong but ask me if i've practised and the answer is no. Again i'm failing. Sir printed out my poses. But as always i've forgotten. And to be honest i left my journal in my car for 2 days running so i'm just making things worse. then i remember, i work, i run my own "business" and i have children. i know amy works and has more kids than me and i am so chuffed that she has found the time to do hers i am very pleased with her effort. And this is where my self worth just hits the floor. i'm up from 6am approximately on the train at work on the train again and home around 2-3pm. i then want to hang out with the kids or spend time with Sir. If he's sleeping it's usually spending time annoying but pleasing Him. Then dinner rocks up or i'm supposed to go to gym (which i'm failing at as well). Rest, well yeah i'll sit and watch tv with the kids or have a bath and read a book. Then bed if i'm really tired or my "business" work which can take from 1 hour up to 3-5 depending on how far behind i am.
So please, tell me, when i'm practising poses and doing my journal in all that. Train you say, yeah i tried that. Yeah it did work, when i remembered my book, or when we hadn't had a problem at home, or when my head was actually in that frame of mind. i also dance and have classes once a week. Again i'm supposed to practice every night for at least half an hour. BUT WHEN?
So i'm deciding until dancing resumes (after the school holidays) i am going to spend at least 10 minutes a day going over my poses. As long as i can find them and i don't leave them in the car or at home or on the train or GOD KNOWS WHERE!!!
Sir came up with a great idea yet it's not been done or spoke about since. He was going to help me with them. Spend a little bit of time with me and go over them. i was hoping there was going to be some form of punishment if i got it wrong just for play purposes. He also mentioned doing our own photos of them. But due to the "play area" still being set up i don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. Or Sir has just forgotten or has been too busy himself. i think about it but then i forget. And then when i think about it again Sir is not with me or something happens and again, i forget.
i've forever been a failure, forever forgetting things, bills, homework, work, you name it i will forget that i was supposed to do something.
When you're a constant let down you start to wonder;
why do i bother, i'll just fail again
Hey Sophie...don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone forgets stuff - often very important stuff. That's just human nature.
ReplyDeletePerhaps choose one pose and practice holding it for 5 minutes every day for three days. Then choose another pose and do the same. In 21 days you will have gone through 7 poses. And as as you would have read it takes 21 days to develop a new habit....and you did it in 5 minutesa day!
thank you! i need to find the print outs. i'm sure Sir will do new ones for me i'm pretty sure i know where they are though
Deletei like that plan though definitely going to give it a go