you think i'm correcting you

you think i'm correcting you
you force me to talk to you when i have enough trouble figuring it out in my head let alone what i'm supposed to say
then you use it against me to start again
pushing another button 
you want me to fall apart?
so you can yell at me again watch me lose the plot them blame me
tell me to stop yelling when my heart is in pieces cos again i have failed 
AGAIN

you found someone to fit the mould
i appreciate that and she's close to perfect
but when i'm feeling lost and confused the last thing i want to hear about is her
have i done this have i done that
no i have thought about you not her
YOU occupy my mind 
trying to do what you want me to do for you
at the moment you have a new toy so all  your focus seems there

i gave up my day for her
that's now 3 in a row
you worked i get that but you promised me then you did nothing

the thoughts in my mind running through my head
the way you grab her around the neck and pull her head back
then we finally get our turn and you don't do that to me
that's your choice 
that's how it goes

i wasn't jealous when you did it 
but it wasn't done to me
so i miss out

every free moment we have shouldn't have to include her
at the moment that's what it feels like
i have hard enough time working then working at home 
i have hard enough time figuring out what you want of me
i have hard enough time trying to tell you i want something because YOU told me i have to tell you

yes i want to be her mistress
yes i understand that i can't ignore her
she has a life 
we have a life
she is a part of it
but she speaks to you not me
i start a conversation with her it ends for me to find out she's still talking to you
i try to be her friend but she doesn't talk to me hardly shares anything with me
you don't even share your thoughts with me
i'm just left sitting on my own swimming in the chaos in my head

she isn't the problem here
the problem is i feel like i am lost
i played the switch i loved it
you want to know what i loved
that i could show you
that you could watch me
i even made the point that what i was doing to her is what i like and what i want
but it's not about what i want
but when we finally got our time i didn't feel submissive
i didn't feel 
i was numb

i guess this is some weird form of punishment
since you won't do what i wrote down
so i am wrong
you don't get what you want you get what your given
if that's the way it is don't ask me what i want

but you'll use this against me now too