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i'm still intent on making this blog something i do everyday or at least nearly and i haven't posted since the first one so hey, i have nothing to do. Why not.
Sir and i have new play friends. A lovely couple we met online. They're new to the D/s world but it's something they are keen on. Anyway, last night they came over as Sir has given them some homework and again i realised i have failed to do the last 2 journal entries.
i really wish my attention span and memory weren't so shit. i constantly feel like i'm letting Sir down as well as letting myself down. i know the journal is to help me and i know it helps him but i just keep forgetting. There's no magic pill to make me remember. i have alarms in my phone for medication i have to take and i never remember even then to take them so writing in my journal is one of the hardest things i have ever tried to do. There's been numerous "fights" over the journal issue. i have asked Sir to understand my issue and he seems to becoming more aware the last few months.
A bit of a background of myself. i have been diagnosed initially with Borderline Personality Disorder and most recently with Bipolar. This is not the entry that i will go into details but i do have "issues". We all do but mine seem to be amplified and at times i can be very empathic which again i will go into on a later entry.
So i digress. Our new friends are looking into the D/s lifestyle as well. Sir has suggested a journal for each of them. And they are both yet to write anything apart from their "list of interests" that they gave to us before our first play session. amy had my journal. i'm not at all upset about this but when you walk out and see someone else from your Master reading what's supposed to be only for Him you will tend to freak out, a bit. Lucky for me my writing can be completely illegible so i wasn't worried too much. i think what got me more was they were getting in trouble for not writing in theirs and i hadn't written in mine since before my birthday in June.
i've asked Sir for punishment for not doing what i've been asked. But the problem He has is i like most forms of what people may think is punishment. So, my question to no one in particular is, how do we find a punishment that will make Sir happy and will fulfil me and give me permission to get off my arse and write and the damn thing. He can tell me a million times and i'll forget but am i actually waiting for a form of permission to do this? Is that what i need?
my whole life i've wanted praise, to be patted on the head, told i've done a good job and rewarded and to know that i have provided my Master with what fulfils him!
Do i also need permission to do a good job?
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