lost

i don't know where i stand at the moment 

i don't know what i'm doing wrong

am i unattractive

am i doing all the wrong things again

am i behaving the wrong way by coming to bed naked 

am i supposed to be making the move 

or do You not want me anymore 

i know you hate me 

even though i try my hardest not to lose control it's not enough for you 

i know i'm broken

i know i'm not normal

i apologise for not being normal

i know i'm fat

i know my body is disgusting 

i look at it every day hating every part of it

i try to be normal for You

i walk

i don't eat as much as i use to

i push the feelings away

i hold them in trying not to hurt You

i try to be the person you want

but You don't want me now i'm guessing i need to push these feelings away too and just wait

i don't know when you'll read this

i know You think i'm weak and complaining 

i know i'm falling apart