not completely healed yet

no one reads this but it gives me somewhere to vent so I'll just keep going like someone does read it

After my weekend of hell looks like we're on the mend. Being in an excessively emotional state if mind I got to tell my partner (I would like to call him Master again and I still think of him this way and always will but will wait until we're completely healed) some feelings. 

So I feel better. Not great. By far am I back to where I was.  And neither is he. We are both hurting. As always in an argument things are said that are not truly meant. Because we hurt inside we let that hurt come out in words. These words are the most harmful if any. We say them in retaliation and MOST of the time we regret them. 

In saying all of this I feel that we have "apologised". My actions and my actions. I take responsibility for that. But I just wish that he would see, when I'm stressed, he just needs to let me be. This is hard. I know that. How do you not react when someone you love is hurting or angry or just completely incomprehensible? I'm confused, he's confused, and in a relationship that leaves things in total chaos. 

However, I am a very sexual person. I think all of us in the scene are. He was very caring and last night and the night before we got the chance to be intimate. He held me and kissed my new scars. He made me feel beautiful and loved and his again. 

Even though I'm still a mess and we're both still very confused at least we are US again. I just can't handle a day, a minute, a second being lost, not having him, not being us.