Failing again. One of Sirs rules is to present myself with pride. After rolling on a high this weekend and last couple of days i was feeling quite good about myself. i've been very spoil, even though the weekend play session didn't go to plan i still thoroughly enjoyed myself. Yesterday when the couple came for coffee i remembered Sir had taken a couple of photos. Now we are both far from amateur photographers so i was keen to check them out.
We had been chatting about a little play session for the night so i waited until we went downstairs. First mistake from me as Sir knew i was tired but i pushed for it anyway. We hadn't had our own scene for what felt like forever so no chance in hell was I giving it up. Second mistake, looking at those fucking photos!
i'm not a skinny girl. Even when at my perfect BMI i'm far from the girls in the magazines. i've always been solid from growing up very active and doing lots of different sports. But hey, i can handle that. I don't mind when i have a little padding. i've always found curvey women a lot more sexy then these waifs. At my biggest i was quite large, tipping 110kg at barely 160cm or 5'3". But I still had curves. To me horrible, disgusting fat curves but at least i wasn't round. At this point in time, after getting fit then pregnant then on new medication i'm a standard Australian size 14. So between 75-80kg on a bad day. Oh we'll, gym is sporadic as to is dancing. I don't eat great but better than i use to. But these pictures OH MY GOD i am disgusted.
So disgusted i ended up in tears, before we even started the scene. Well congratulations sophie, total mood kill. Crying so much you resplit a healing split lip now my chin and chest are covered in blood. i'm so glad Sir hasn't got an aversion to it, but i suppose cleaning up an emo wife you get use to it.
He knows how to handle me though. Then bends me over his knee for a long needed spanking. He doesn't see me the way i do and thank god for that or He would never fuck me. But the scene is now dead. I have a sore but thankful throbbing arse now, He takes me to bed. i fail to please Him and keep falling asleep while trying.
So no more dodging gym. i'm asking my doctor to take me off these shit meds for a while. i need to pull it together to be the best i can ... for Him
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