this way

everything i have written
every photo i have posted
everything i have done

is because you have asked me to do it this way

it's not correcting
it's not topping from the bottom
it's what you told me to do

you used my "mental health" to tell me this is how i should do it because if you try when i'm not in the right state of mind it won't work

so this is why it's done this way

YOU told me to do it

guessing this got lost

a request for Master

This is a request from your slut. It is not by any means topping from the bottom! This is something your slut has been thinking of often and is finding it hard to communicate with you about.

PUNISHMENT ONCE A WEEK

this can be seen as punishment or if Sir does not like it in that aspect please see it as a game or role play
ie: the Secretary

your slut NEEDS to be punished

• spanked
• flogged
• including corporal punishment

she needs to be punished because:

1. she's done something wrong or forgotten something
2. she's been fantasising
3. it helps her to get her thoughts straight

Punishment to your slut will help her when :

1. Sir is angry she knows that this sort of punishment is not something He can do, but after the argument blows over please take it on-board because what your slut did wrong or the feelings she had are still there. If Sir punishes her then this will get rid of those thoughts, make her feel like it's truly over.
2. Sirs slut fantasises a lot!  she is very sexual and this makes her think she is dirty.  she is a dirty little slut.  If Sir "punishes" her for her dirty thoughts this will help with her self-doubt and embarrassment. Your slut is embarrassed about fantasising. she thinks it's dirty, she thinks she is naughty for doing it and doesn't tell you.  Sir could punish his slut for NOT telling Him that she is having sexual thoughts.
3. When your slut is having anxiety it is because she is lost or having chaotic thoughts. she understands that her mental problems can cause Him some issues as well.  When Sir can see she is in distress and having issues a spanking or flogging can help her to snap out of it.

YOUR SLUTS PERFECT PUNISHMENT

Punishment is always up to You.  You are her Master. Sirs slut thinks it may help Him if she explains what kind of punishment she thinks she deserves.

This punishment is also a turn on for Sirs slut.  By punishing her Sir is allowing her to open up and get rid of anything that has stopped her.  Your slut will cry.  Your slut will crash.  Your slut wants Sir to know that this is ok.  When it happens it means He's allowed her to be fully open to Him.  she is HIS.

she wants to show off marks and bruises she sees them as a reward for being His.

she wants Sir to enjoy it even though He's hurting her it is sexual and she hopes Sir will be turned on.

Sirs slut has fantasied about punishment A LOT.  This is a basic idea of her fantasy of it. she has chosen Wednesday as it is her free day.  This leaves her open to process everything without feeling rushed.

sluts role

1. she wakes up to organise the morning and does the morning run
2. she waits for Sir to wake up and when she hears Him she makes His coffee
3. she waits for Him to have coffee and "wake up" while waiting she sets up the room with the punishment tools as well as any other toys
4. she has a shower and makes sure she is clean for Sir and dresses for Him
5. she waits in the room for Him in her waiting pose
6. she is not to look at Him unless He asks
7. she responds to His reprimands
8. she will use her safe words it is getting to much for her
9. she will please Him
10. she worships Him

Sirs role

1. He wakes up aware of what today is.  It is to help His slut to heal any problems she has had during the week.  He gets into to mood "puts on the Master mask"
2. He enjoys His coffee and "wakes up" doing what ever He likes for how ever long He wants, knowing that his slut is waiting for Him
3. He commends his slut for setting up and waiting for Him but He is very dominant. If she looks at Him He is to reprimand her verbally or with a slapping.  
4. Using corporal technique He tells Her that she is very naughty.  He tells her why she's naughty/bad. He asks for responses. 
• "You are being punished because you forgot"
• "You are being punished because you didn't listen to me"
• "You are being punished because you are worrying about things and you don't need to because I am here to help you"
• "You are being punished because you didn't ask for help"
• "You are being punished because you are a dirty little slut and you have been fantasising"
• "You are being punished because you are my slut and I can punish you when I want"
• at the end ask "Why are you being punished slut?"
5. He waits for her response.  If she doesn't respond reprimand her verbally or with a slap.
6. He is forceful.  He demands her to move.  He pushes her into position if she doesn't get there.  He pulls her hair if she takes to long.
7. He punishes her KNOWING that even though He is hurting her it is what she needs.  
8. He knows that she will not hate him for hurting her.
9. He understands that by punishing her He is helping her.
10. He spanks, flogs, pinches, hurts her however He feels she deserves.
11. He reprimands her for flinching, moving, making noise.
12. He then uses her how He wants to to please Himself. 
13. He will understand she will cry and maybe crash.  When it happens He doesn't need to be confused. At time of crashing He will choose whether to fuck her to bring her out or to cuddle her.

AFTER CARE

she knows that Sir knows how to care for her afterwards.  When His slut is able to she will offer Him coffee or lunch.  Some conversation about the punishment should happen to make sure that Sir and His slut are both understanding of each others needs and any issues.

This is a request.  Your slut hopes that this helps You.  she wants You to know that this "punishment" will help her to be whole for Sir and help her to open up.  she hopes you enjoy it as even though it is punishment it still is very sexual to her and a big turn on.  Sirs slut wants him to know that He is not hurting her mentally He is actually helping her!

you think i'm correcting you

you think i'm correcting you
you force me to talk to you when i have enough trouble figuring it out in my head let alone what i'm supposed to say
then you use it against me to start again
pushing another button 
you want me to fall apart?
so you can yell at me again watch me lose the plot them blame me
tell me to stop yelling when my heart is in pieces cos again i have failed 
AGAIN

you found someone to fit the mould
i appreciate that and she's close to perfect
but when i'm feeling lost and confused the last thing i want to hear about is her
have i done this have i done that
no i have thought about you not her
YOU occupy my mind 
trying to do what you want me to do for you
at the moment you have a new toy so all  your focus seems there

i gave up my day for her
that's now 3 in a row
you worked i get that but you promised me then you did nothing

the thoughts in my mind running through my head
the way you grab her around the neck and pull her head back
then we finally get our turn and you don't do that to me
that's your choice 
that's how it goes

i wasn't jealous when you did it 
but it wasn't done to me
so i miss out

every free moment we have shouldn't have to include her
at the moment that's what it feels like
i have hard enough time working then working at home 
i have hard enough time figuring out what you want of me
i have hard enough time trying to tell you i want something because YOU told me i have to tell you

yes i want to be her mistress
yes i understand that i can't ignore her
she has a life 
we have a life
she is a part of it
but she speaks to you not me
i start a conversation with her it ends for me to find out she's still talking to you
i try to be her friend but she doesn't talk to me hardly shares anything with me
you don't even share your thoughts with me
i'm just left sitting on my own swimming in the chaos in my head

she isn't the problem here
the problem is i feel like i am lost
i played the switch i loved it
you want to know what i loved
that i could show you
that you could watch me
i even made the point that what i was doing to her is what i like and what i want
but it's not about what i want
but when we finally got our time i didn't feel submissive
i didn't feel 
i was numb

i guess this is some weird form of punishment
since you won't do what i wrote down
so i am wrong
you don't get what you want you get what your given
if that's the way it is don't ask me what i want

but you'll use this against me now too

numb

http://youtu.be/Q8tXLODrF3I

hurry up and kick in

i just want to sleep 

go back to the nightmares i can at least run away from

it's after midnight

meant to go to be at 10 but you only just got home

stayed up

more wasted time

now tomorrow will be fucked

i'll be tired again

slept today but was filled with nightmares

woke up hoping they'd be gone but obviously not

now waiting for the tablets to kick in with the chaos in my head again and no one to help me because you just walked away again

missing another Wednesday again i guess

Can't say anything right

Have a feeling i'll be missing another Wednesday and not just because of this

wonder why i feel lost

the one thing i asked for seems to be going down the drain

let's see how i survive this

how to love a broken girl by Torturedsoul38

how to love a broken girl

Journal Entry | 1,035 Comments · 3,627 Love It | 1 day ago

How to love a broken girl. How many would benefit from an instruction book for that? Its easy to love the carefree girls, the "normal" girls, the confident girls next door, but what about the broken girls? The girls with fortresses around their heart and shields in their eyes? The girls whose souls have aged beyond their earthly years? The girls with bodies and minds that have survived wars which would break the strongest of men? Sometimes these girls should come with a warning label. The warning pendulum swings both ways. This warning is not only for how you must treat her but for all the ways she will ruin you.

1. You cannot love her gently. She does not realize she deserves to be loved. You must love her with a force that can crush mountains. You must burn her soul so hot with your love that doubt melts away. Your love must be unconditional and you must show her on her very worst days.
2. She doesnt know shes beautiful. She can get compliments all day and she wont believe it. There is a demon on her shoulder whispering that its not true. It takes a dozen compliments to erase one hurtful torment from her past. Shower her with compliments, be her cheerleader, until your words are her heartbeat instead of her doubts.
3. Chase her. I know we often have the attitude of not chasing anyone. I know it is said to be weak if we chase someone who walks away, but we need to see you are weak for us. Sometimes a broken girl needs to see how much you need her. She needs to.see that vulnerability in your eyes to feel ok. We need you to need us.
4. She needs routine. Broken girls over analyze everything. They notice everything, too. Did you stop asking her for pictures after some time passes? Did you stop using a pet name? Every broken pattern to us means the end of the only thing we have ever wanted and it terrifies us.
5. Smother us with affection. Touch us. Kiss us. Touch us some more. Broken girls have not experienced enough positive affection in their life. We will absorb every ounce as a person dying of thirst demands water. You cannot shower us with enough of a good touch.
6. Be honest and keep promises. Broken girls have not dared to dream much. Every vow made to us has been broken. Every promise has been a lie. We would rather you never let a promise escape your lips than have you utter false ones.
7. Prepare to drown. If we let you inside our chaotic soul, you will be immersed in a madness you will not understand. We sometimes walk the balance beam of insanity and sometimes we fall.
The biggest warning we should have is this.. if we love you, it is forever. We will love you with a loyalty that will amaze you. We will be committed and our heart will beat your name. While we are still broken we will try to devour all of your pain. We will be perceptive to your wounds and eager to heal your soul. If we love you, please be prepared that we will forever stay.

***i am overwhelmed by the response to this. If i could answer each comment made and hug each of you that need it, i would. Much love to all of you and good luck on your journey.
To the negative ones out there.. I dont consider broken to be a derogatory term. I dont think my words are a miracle cure to the masses. This has been what my reality is. This was a journal entry of the chaos in my own tainted thoughts. If you dont agree with my approach to my life, that is ok, just kindly move on.